Week 3 of 156

Dear childhood cancer: I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. And I am going to love my son so hard, so much, for so long, that you disappear. No child - no family - no adult - no one deserves this. I hate you so much.

Week three...

• Levi is so strong. He is such a fighter. I cannot imagine feeling so bad, for so long...he is handling it all so well.
• Levi's eyes have 'changed' - he looks sad a lot. He looks uncomfortable. This is very difficult for us. He doesn't like to make eye contact anymore. He seems withdrawn, depressed. I know he feels bad, but this is just not our son - he's the little boy who runs around smiling and happy. It's been VERY difficult to see him look so sad.
• The cravings have set in from the Dex (steroid). He is eating a lot and foods he never ate before. For example, he eats toast, waffle, and yogurt for breakfast...then 10 mins later he wants a cheese pizza. Then popcorn. And it goes on and on... Levi loves apples! He loves bananas! It's hard watching him eat Cheese It'z all day but the doctor says this is normal and it will pass.
• His face is puffy from the meds. And his belly. They said this would happen and it did. He looks different. That's hard...he's 3. This should NOT be happening to him.
• He still loves being outside in the stroller. We could walk him all day long and he'd be happy....he has no energy. He's so wornout. I make him 'exercise' - I make him get out during our runs together to do arm circles, reach ups, walk, etc. He hates it. And now - after talking to the doctor yesterday - I understand this is common because of the Vincristine (chemo drug) and Dex (steroid). 
• His labs looked great (HGB 9.2 ,Platelet 256, ANC 2970). That's still reassuring though we know this will change throughout treatment.
• My Mom watched Levi all week as we are still settling into work...I am so so so so so so so thankful for my Mom. I couldn't get through this without her. I could not.
• We've received SO MANY messages, cards, etc. from people - even people I don't know. Please know that we're sorry if we haven't responded -- we are spending every second taking care of Levi and Ellie. And working. We're just so busy right now....but please please please please know that we will respond when we can and we are SO THANKFUL. THANK YOU. Please continue to pray for my Levi too.
• Drew and I are so committed to one another. This is tough stuff for a marriage. Elizabeth - Drew's sister - gave us a 'date night' this week to just get out for a couple hours and be alone. It's hard to leave Levi but we were only like 2 miles away and we know that staying connected and communicating is key. It was a gorgeous night out that evening too. I love Drew so very much. He's an amazing Dad and husband.
• Ellie's doing great --- she makes Levi smile. He has no energy but he will perk up for her and try to make her laugh. He's so sweet to her. The three of us played peek-a-boo in the bathroom for about 20 mins today...Ellie was laughing so hard and Levi was smiling. I was just sitting here counting my blessings. I love them.

At clinic getting ready for chemo

Out and about in downtown Charlotte to kill time... we were showing Levi the Panthers stadium. Hope we can take him to a game someday soon. He would love that.