Week 2 of 156

Today is Day 15. We are halfway through Induction. I am struggling with what to write. Not because I don't have words or thoughts, but because I am not sure how to say what I am feeling. 

Levi feels like shit. I don't normally write like that but let's be completely honest here - we're talking about cancer...not a day at the beach. He's in constant pain - his stomach hurts. He'll say to me 'I don't feel good!' or 'My stomach hurts!' --- he says it all day, every day. He cannot get comfortable. He doesn't want to do anything besides lay on the couch and watch TV.

Drew and I feel like shit. We can't fix anything. We have to force meds down his little throat. We have to say encouraging words and try to stay positive and we're both frustrated because we don't understand his pain. We haven't felt his pain....but you can believe we'd take it from him multiplied if we could.

Here's the week 2 rundown...

• Levi's felt like shit all week. (Okay, I am probably using that word a little too freely at this point so I apologize.) 
• He was a trooper yesterday at treatment.
• He's stomach hurts a lot which I am being told is due to constipation. All the medicines that he's on are throwing off his system. They cause gas. He's so uncomfortable. We're working hard to get the right meds in his system to solve this but it's not easy. 
• Levi's labs looked like last week - no big change which is good.

Other stuff...

• Drew and I went back to work this week. Work is being supportive thus far which we're extremely grateful for.
• Ellie's got a cold...still.
• Now I have a cold.
• We ventured out to a Greek Festival today to get Levi "out", but he didn't seem to enjoy it and felt crummy.
• Levi's appetite is up and down - the meds make his eyes want more to eat than his belly. So he will ask for a lot of food and eat only a portion of it.
• Drew cut Levi's hair short in preparation for losing it over the next couple weeks. I am not sure what to expect. 

I am tired and probably should've waited to write but again, this is the realness of it all ---- so Levi, if/when you read this......I love you. I do this for you. Your Daddy and I are doing everything we can to support you and make you and Ellie happy during this challenging time. Perseverance...that's what you are teaching me. And to think I thought my job was to teach you. 

I love you BIG.