What keeps me up at night...

I want to share what's keeping me up at night (besides my El Belle ;) ) --- my hope is one day I'll look back and read this and think -- ohhh, poor thing...if she only knew that was a waste of good sleep...

1. Levi and Ellie.  My mind is all over the place sometimes. I find myself worrying about them at daycare during the day (are they loved enough, are their friends being nice, would they rather be home with me) to worrying about Levi's teeth to crazy thoughts about who will their first loves be, who will break their hearts, or how will we ever pay for college for both? And do they know - really know - how much I love them.  
2. Drew. My handsome husband. I sometimes cuddle up to him at night and just pray for us. I think we have a solid relationship but you hear stories about couples drifting apart and I ALWAYS pray we never feel that way. I adore the man I married. I think about how I wish I wasn't so tired at night to stay up late and talk with him - like those fun, deep discussions we had before 2 kids.  I think about what I can do to make him happier.  Or does he know how much I love him - really love him. 
3. My family. My Mom and Daddy - they mastered parenting. God blessed me. I am scared I am not able to provide for my kids like my parents did for me. I am SCARED to my core that something will happen to them - that thought alone makes me burst into tears. Do my parents understand they are my rock and that I love them more than almost anything? My brother - I worry about his kids.  I picture him awake at the same time worrying about his kids and I think about how silly it is that I am thinking about Troy adjusting okay in high school and not being a follower. Or how I hope Luci really pushes herself because she's got so much potential to be great at so much. And Ivan....precious Ivan. He likes hunting and that scares me. Guns always make me nervous. (I know...)
4. Grandparents. I lost my Grandpa Hinson already. My Grandpa Godfrey turns 88 next week. My Grandma Jean is so fragile.  My Grandma Godfrey too. I have so many memories that flood my mind and the thought of not being able to talk to them or see them one day hurts. I wonder why I don't spend more time with them today and get upset when I blame a full-time job, kids and husband. I love my grandparents - I hope they know that I appreciate everything they did for me.
5. Nala and Symba. Nala's been with me for over 11 years and I never walk her like I should. She's been a far better friend to me that I've been to her. If you want to know what loyalty really is - get a dog. They will not abandon you.  Symba is the sweetest piece of chocolate - I worry about how Drew could ever handle anything happening to him...they are BFFs.  Levi loves Symba - I'll watch from the kitchen window as he throws the ball for Symba (doesn't go far)...it's so sweet.  I hope they know we love them and wish we had more time for them.
6. Randoms. Basically, I stay awake trying to prepare mentally for a fire (which kid do I grab first and what window will hurt less when we jump out of it) or a break-in (remind Drew to put baseball bat under the bed and which window do I jump out of). 
7. Money. All the what if's.  What if I lose my job? What if Drew loses his? What if we're not saving enough? What if we sacrifice 'living' life because I was too scared to invest in moments and memories.  What if - what if - what it?!

So, that's a list I can rattle off pretty quick. I try to rely on faith and my relationship with God to comfort me when I am worried.  I love this Bible verse.  We're all on a different journey in this life and this verse reminds me to not rely on my simple mind but know there's more to my story that what I'll experience here...

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;  in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.